Sunday, February 15, 2015

New Instruction Manual

You best believe it! Lately my past has been smashed into my face randomly, making me just cringe at the person I use to be. (Thank you satan for all the fantastic memories). All the people I offended being as hurt and broken as I was, in some ways taking it all out on them. I was so lost and looking back at old pictures just make me want to throw them all out (yes even wedding pictures) and pretend that was never me. I even spent time crying horribly while looking through old pictures. It literally pains me to look at them because I could see just how lost I was because of all the turmoil I had raging in my soul and how desperate my eyes looked for help.
We were asked to move here in order for me to bloom into the person I have always wanted to become. For that I will be forever grateful but with that came a lot of sacrifices, some huge and some small, some that are still not fully resolved yet, and many that people can't figure out why we had/have to still struggle through. However hard it is, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat for all the blessings I have already received in order to once again get away from the person I use to be mentally. All the sacrifices and trials have a significant place in this whole bloom process. I am such a better person already but I know I have one more huge obstacle to jump before my mind is fully healed from the trauma and PTSD I have developed and constantly am battling daily to overcome to at least attempt a normal life. Not strictly for my own, but for my little family who needs a healthy and capable mom. This hurdle is a new request from Heavenly Father to do in my full capacity of heart, mind and spirit. I'm excited and scared but ready to function properly once again with all the luggage being finally cut free. Having a free mind is something I have not had since 6 years old, the only memories I can actually look back on without cringing. The last week or so I was feeling pretty defeated with all the fresh memories coming to mind on a daily basis. I was on the fritz and on system overload but then I stumbled across this quote and instantly was uplifted. I read this quote and just laughed. For all the times satan smashed my old, shattered past in my face (something I know he gets great joy from) I just smirk and remind him of his future haha. I can do that because of the love and promise we have from Heavenly Father because we are his precious children. Today I am grateful for this amazing promise. I'm still in the middle of writing the blog post explaining more in detail of this new instruction manual I received from the Lord to better my life. It's a blog post I will continue to add too as more and more instruction come since we are only in the beginning stages of this new request, as well as discerning what I feel inspired in sharing and what is mine to keep ;) This new adventure is not going to be as quick as the instruction to move to Utah "as soon as you can". This one is going to be a slow, pristine process to ensure full cleansing and healing. Again I'm nervous that I won't do it right but that's more reason to put my faith in Heavenly Father to guide me through the process. I'm so excited for my future! Can't wait to share with you this new journey!! So far in the process I have already seen some pretty amazing stuff ;) 

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